The Plot Requires It
by Fullmetal-Soul
Summary: I'm sick of it. All of it! This is my rant. Flame me. Praise me. I don't really give a flying ****


**The Plot Requires It?!**

By Fullmetal-Soul

* * *

Hey there, everyone! So nice to talk to you all again. Unfortunately, we have to meet under these wretched circumstances. I'm not happy. To put it frankly, I'm bloody pissed at you lot. _**Completely and utterly pissed off**_. You want to know why? It went a little like this…

I was browsing through the Fullmetal Alchemist archives because, well- have you even _looked_ at my screen name? Anyhow, I was in the mood for some Parental!Roy/Ed. So I clicked my keys and winded up at Give Me a Reason. I will not tell you who wrote this fic. I am not bashing it. It simply opened my eyes to all the coke-snorting buggers out there. Me, being the opinionated Brit I am, decided that I needed to vent. So here we are! I read the first chapter. Ed was depressed, which is fine and dandy. Roy saves him from jumping off the roof of Central HQ, which is also acceptable. The best part was that Hughes wasn't dead!

Then it all went horribly, terribly wrong.

Roy snogged Ed. Apparently, Ed needed a reason to live (hence the title of the fanfic). So, this author had Roy be sappy and say "Let me be your reason." Again, I do not hate yaoi. Sweet unmerciful Gate, one of my cousin's is gay and another dresses like a female on several occasions!

I also do not despise this writer. Their fic was eloquently written. I had a genuine attack of feels. Partially this is my fault. I did not read the entire summary. He last sentence sad Roy/Ed. This fic and its creator are not the target of my wrath. I simply had an epiphany.

**I. Am sick. And Tired. Of completely random. Pointless. **_**Blasted yaoi and shonen-ai plots**_**!**

If you're going to write a yaoi, may you please do it properly? Can we have a little indecision? How about some real relationship development instead of word vomit filled with limes other random junk. Before you say 'by the tone of your voice, it seems like don't even like yaoi! How would you know how we should write it?' I will admit I do not especially like it. I was forced to watch Junjou Romantica by a gaggle of my yaoi fangirl friends and know or thing or two about a good one.

There was angst. There was suspense. There was romance, but not that you felt like the gayness was being force-fed to you by the Joker. Most importantly, spontaneous shit did not happen because the plot demanded it. If the plot demands it, then build up to the event. For Christ's sake, don't throw it at us! Readers get confused, people get flamed, and it all turns into a giant mess.

Oh, and I just thought of another way fanfiction writers get Ed and Roy to get together. Suddenly Ed conveniently forgets he can use alchemy and was taught martial arts by an expert when he was under the age of nine and gets his ass raped. Roy comes in, kicks some rapist ass, and Ed makes a miraculous emotional recovery to ride the Mustang all in five to six a thousand word chapters. One- who the hell actually _enjoys_ the protagonist being gang raped? Two-_why are people writing this_?! People honestly like that? Three- that's a mockery to all the people who've been raped. I know someone who's been raped. They didn't read a summary and they started bloody blubbering. _Weeping_. These fics are harmful!

Another way wanked out writers get one hetero and one womanizing bastard together is that they have Ed and Al get into a fight. Sometimes it's over Winry and how Ed calls her a skank. Ed's a bit rude (okay, a lot rude) but calling Winry a skank? That's far too low for him to call the girl who literally gave him a leg to sand on a skank. Ed then runs off to Central to Roy. Not Havoc. Not Hawkeye or Hughes (most people still have him alive).They talk out their feelings (another hint: Ed _never_ willingly talks about his feelings. You have to yell and scream for him to give in), and lo and behold it's lime time! What fucked up universe are we living in that Ed suddenly turns into a ten-dollar whore?

Here's another random way for a Roy/Ed a new war arises and Ed goes off to defend his country. He comes back completely battle weary and Roy is suddenly horny. Now, you can have a horny Roy, but make sure you warn us its plotless smut that is for nosebleed purposes only. Otherwise it's simply stupid. Oh, I didn't tell you the outcome? Ed. Gets. _SHAGGED_.

Another thing, why does everyone presume Ed is the uke? Why is he not the seme? Why don't the rolls ever reverse? Food for thought!

To summarize: yaoi is all good. I don't hate it. I tolerate the Roy/Ed ship. Don't love it but hey, to each their own. This fic was my vent. It will most likely be flamed to the depths of cyberspace. Honestly, I don't care. Flames shall be used to weld my boyfriend's bike back together. I'm sick and tired of plotless Roy/Ed.\

For the love of all things fluffy, heed my words

* * *

A/N: All Roy/Ed scenarios were found by my sister. ALL OF THESE EXIST!


End file.
